Eesha’s Early Excerpt - The Power of “Sorry” (Part 2)

“Sorry for bothering you”

“Oops I forgot, sorry!”

“I was wrong, sorry…”

These are all phrases most people are caught saying often. In these cases sorry is unnecessary. In part one of this newsletter, I covered the meaning of sorry. In this edition we will further dive into its proper usage.

So now you may wonder when does the use of this term cause it to lose value and appear as a “misdemeanor”... Well, here are 3 situations where “sorry” is not needed, and what we can say instead:

1. When you don’t want to cause further trouble

There have been many moments in my personal experience where I feel a simple “sorry” will put an end to the ongoing bickering or quarrel. However, this is neither heartfelt nor meaningful and accomplishes almost nothing. It doesn’t satisfy both sides, and only puts a bandaid over the gaping cut. Eventually ripping the bandaid off and mending the wound will be terribly painful. Momentarily the “sorry” may have accomplished something, however, in the long run, it only has its repercussions. My overall consensus being, when you feel the impulse to say “sorry” and put an end to something, remember that this is falling into the trap of overusing the word and only makes the situation worse for your future self.

How else do we respond? In this situation it is best to apply the ointment on the wound early on, regardless of how badly it burns. Dig deeper and come to the root of the problem. However, keep in mind of your time. Does this situation deserve your attention? Does it require your effort and energy? Is it valuable to mend? If you respond with a yes to these questions, then this solution is for you. This is just something to keep in mind when you find yourself in a similar situation. Don’t let people walk over you, to simply put an end to some arguing. Show them you have authority and responsibly handle it instead!

1. When you “bother” a person

Many times I have gone to ask someone a question and put out the disclaimer as “sorry for bothering you, but…”. This is another form of unnecessarily saying sorry. If you have something to say, don’t fear bothering a person. Whether they feel “bothered” is beyond one’s control, and shouldn’t be of your concern.

In this situation, say what you have to say, without allowing the word “sorry” to compromise its purpose. Oftentimes, apologizing for “bothering” a person will give off the impression that what you have to say doesn’t have much worth. Drop the sorry, grow in confidence, and say what you have to say.

1. When you “didn’t know”

Sometimes not knowing something is thought of as a burden upon others. Why do we as humans take it so deep when we lack the information of something? It is not, and we shouldn’t position ourselves to appear as such! Instead, we must take it in as a learning mindset.

For example…

In one case:

“This is actually supposed to be …”

“Oh sorry, my bad, I didn’t know.”

In another case:

“This is actually supposed to be…”

“Interesting! Thank you for letting me know!”

This change of mindset brings positivity, optimism, and removes the negativity from the atmosphere. A simple thank you is enough to replace the “sorry”.

Overall, you may be asking… “how am I supposed to remember this, or keep it in mind?”

If you don’t feel sympathy don’t use it. Sometimes the most sincere apologies don’t include the word sorry in them. Ask yourself if you truly feel bad, or feeling sorrow or regret. When feeling these rough emotions, the word “sorry” can encompass them properly and transmit a heartfelt message.

While this is something not most of us take the time to consider, it is valuable that we do. Some may believe that it is a scenario of overthinking a simple thing. However, I’d like to think that our conversations are a reflection of our character. The way we respond to certain moments show how we think, how we act, and how we are as a person. Saying sorry over and over again makes a person appear as lacking confidence and lacking authority over themselves and others. This poor reflection doesn’t show the true colors of someone, and correcting something as simple as knowing when to say sorry, will be a step in the journey of showing people who we are.